Once upon a time, there were two young brothers.

The older boy was clever and thin, with a sharp foxy nose and a tongue that could tame the wildest of horses. He was serious and stern for his twelve brief years. The younger boy was robust and round, with fresh red cheeks and a musical laugh. He was sensitive and sweet for his nine brief years.

One night, the older brother decided to sneak out of the house to play with his friends, as boys often do. He quietly pushed open the tiny window and slid into the yard below. The younger brother, jealous at the other's sneakiness, desired to follow. But alas, the younger boy's waistline impeded him from sliding through the window; instead, he stuck fast, with his bottom in his bedroom and his top facing rounds of malicious snickers from below.

"Quick, help me get out! If Mom finds us, we'll both get in trouble!"

"Stop making so much noise. I'll help you when I get back."

And with that, the older brother disappeared into the terrible dark night.

Those boys will be the death of me yet, Emma. You'll never guess where I found Gary last night. He was stuck tight in the window. No, trying to follow Don, apparently. No, Sis', he was really stuck...I used nearly a pint of good lard before I got him out. No, no, no punishment; he punished himself enough to not try it again anytime soon. You should have seen him, crying and covered with grease, Emma it took everything in me not to laugh, but for his stomach hurting so bad from the window pane. And him crying something awful about a bear in the yard. Bears! I'll bet I know who the bear was...those little shits. He's alright though...he's mad, but he's alright. Don, I'll deal with later.

"Ow! Ma! MA! Don's throwin' 'taters at me! Ow, stop it...that hurts! Aaooww!"

"Shut up! You idiot! I was gonna come back an' help ya. Why'd you go an' tell Ma I was smokin'? We were in the bushes waitin' to help ya. Jeez, you didn't hear the way she laid in ta me. An' now she's waitin' for Dad to get home, an' it's your fault!"

"You weren't in the bushes, nothin' Don. You left. Gone, and I almost got eaten by a bear! It was big and black, and growlin' real fierce, just like the movies. Gettin' eaten by a bear is much worse than anything Dad'll do to you. And I'm still greasy...and you still think it's funny. I'd take Dad over a bear anydaya the week. What's the big deal anyway? Ow, I said cut it out withthe 'taters! MA!"

"Shut up! That wasn't a bear, you dope. That was us...tryin' to scare Alice and Gail, but you're a worse scardy-cat than your own sisters! If you'd kept yer mouth shut, we'd both be fine, but now I'm the one in trouble...because of you! And you deserve this 'cause you're such a dummy. Better run faster, pip-squeak!"

"OW!"