I am also angry because I thought that writing this thesis would be an opportunity to piece together a system of beliefs that would guide my life to a better place.  I lost my religion in my twenties, but I was sure that I would find faith in something substantial by my thirties.  I haven’t, and they are more than half gone.  I am a reasonable, intelligent person and I thought that I could study and think myself to something that made sense and was stable, that would stand up against all the things that felt like they were slowly crushing me.  I wanted some sort of moral guide, some philosophy that I could center myself in.  The more I search, the more difficult the task seems to get.