At the end of our first meeting, Dr. P. explained her assessment of my condition.  “You suffer from something known as dysthymic depression.  It isn’t as severe as some depression, but it is chronic.  It is like being in a permanent state of gray.”  One of her questions during our first session had been “When did your depression start?  Can you remember a specific event or moment?” and I had to answer, “I don’t remember ever really being any different.”  This is the main characteristic of dysthymic disorder, that people who have it will often report that they don't recall ever not feeling depressed, even though they may be relatively functional in managing their life.  However, the symptoms are severe enough to cause distress and interference with important life role responsibilities.  Dr. P. explained that the other things I had complained of—anxiety, panic attacks, trouble sleeping, weight gain, chronic physical tension, not being able to relax, little to no self-confidence—were all related to the disorder.  She also suspected that I have seasonal affective disorder and that my sleep has been disrupted because of it, aggravating my already gray mood.

© Salahub 2003