So many things
were flying around in my head at once that I had a hard time answering
her. I didn't really know
what to say. What I wanted
to say—the truth—was different from what I could or should tell her.
What I wanted to tell her was that I
wasn't interested in teaching composition, it was just what was
available to me in this situation, was what I "had" to teach
and that I wasn't really enjoying it; that in ten years I would be no
where near the university, that what I really wanted to do was write and
be a mom; and that it wasn't such a stretch for me to imagine my last
CO150 class because if my instincts about it were right, she would be
there to hear for herself what I would have to say on that day. What I actually
told her was that I had considered teaching high school and was going to
get an M.A.T., but changed my mind and decided that I wanted to teach at
the college level (which didn't really answer her question about the
specific subject); that I hoped in 10 years that I could say I had
something published, maybe even be writing "for a living" and
have kids (all true, but I avoided saying anything about teaching); and
that if it were my last class, I would probably have them do some more
fundamentally creative writing, stress how all writing is creative and
how important it is to have a voice, to discover it for one's
self—things that I admitted to her probably would have less to do with
composition than with the process of writing and becoming a confident
person.
© Salahub 2003 |