For as long as I can remember, I was careful.  I waited until I was certain about the circumstances of the situation, and then I’d quickly adapt, changing myself to fit.  I knew when to crack a joke to divert people’s attention from something that was troubling them, or something that someone else had said that had the potential to start a fight.  I’d get up on a table and sing a song if I had to. I was the court jester, the peacemaker, and sometimes even the scapegoat.  I also knew when to fade into the background, to get out of the way, out of town, go into hiding.   

I got so good at it that I thought I could control things.  I believed that if I were diligent, thinking and analyzing, always doing whatever was required of me, anticipating every possible negative outcome and planning ahead for what would be needed in order to avoid or cope with those outcomes, everything would be fine.  If I could be perfect, nothing would go wrong.   

© Salahub 2003