of what keeps me from living the good life is fear.
Fear has become the most fundamental quality of my life. I am afraid to speak, afraid to move, ultimately afraid to
live. I might make a
mistake, then no one will love me and I will be alone.
Therefore, I must only engage in activities for which I am highly
qualified or take action only when success is assured.
This sometimes overwhelming fear has been with me for as long as
I can remember. I have wasted so much of my time, so much of myself,
anticipating disasters that never even happen.
I am ultimately to blame for allowing it, but at the same time,
my fear is both provoked and fed by the culture in which I struggle to
live. My attempts to live a
good life and be a better person are thwarted by the lingering,
smoldering myth of an American Dream.
© Salahub 2003