Down, down, down, would the fall never end?

It wasn't a rabbit hole that I fell down but why didn't Alice cry out or fear as she fell? Down, down Alice fell, down the rabbit hole, brave as she dropped, she didn't fear the fall.

"Can I borrow your bravery Alice?" I have to ask. "How did you fall so close to the center and not fear?"

Down, down, down I fell. "Will this fall never end?" I thought. I remember, thinking, "How far will I go?" Would this falling to the center never end?

"Alice, you were 'very sleepy and stupid in the sunlight', when you saw that curious sight (a very large white rabbit, with a waist coat, checking his pocket watch, saying, "dear,dear! I shall be too late!). Where did you find the courage to follow him down his hole? Weren't you worried you would never make it out?"

Alice found her way down this hole, falling toward the center, and never shrieked with fear. She was only seven.

I've been down here for more than a year and haven't waken since. Fear has kept me here. "Wake up, wake up," I say to myself each day (like Alice, I'm inclined to talk to myself). I take the pills to try to brighten my way, to make it to the higher ground.

In the morning, TAKE FOUR EACH MORNING, and TAKE ONE AT BREAKFAST, LUNCH AND DINNER, TAKE ONE EACH MORNING FOR ANXIETY. Every day I follow the labels and every day I come closer and closer to making it through the doorway into the garden.

"Alice! Alice! I've seen the other side of the doorway! The loveliest garden! I too, want out to see the bright flowers, roses, poppy, hyacinths, and yellow daisies! And the fountain and pools of crisp cool water, too!"

"DRINK ME," the bottle read, and cautious Alice looked first, it didn't look like poison. Then, with the faith of a seven year old, Alice drank it down.

I drink down my mental health each day, diligently. Delusions and confusion clear up. I'm in the right shape to enter the sunshine in the garden but I forgot the key, too, Alice!

Alice found the key to the puzzle! She woke up out of the demented dreams in her head, cleared the sleep out of her eyes, and ran off into the sun "thinking, while she ran what a wonderful dream it had been."

It's a demented dream, this reality, that I try to wake from each day, trying to find my way out of the rabbit hole of ruminating language in my mind. "Wake up! Wake up!" I say to myself, "what a nice long sleep you've had!"