Cheated Concluded

My brother walks by the dining room to join the kids. He can’t take it anymore but as he passes he turns to smile at me. I take this to mean that if he stays he might say the wrong thing. Mind you, this might only amount to his temptation to use the f-bomb in front of our parents, but I appreciate his ability to avoid a problem. He’s always been one of the quiet ones.

Lori’s tone changes a little to show her own surprise. “I’m not sure. Mom just told me the other day when we were going over her will. I asked her if they were married but she wouldn’t give me a straight answer. I guess I’ll have to spend a day down in Union trying to figure it out.”

My dad and Lori are both attorneys. Lori means she’ll hit the court records and see if she can find anything. Dad’s eyebrows have relaxed a bit and his breathing returned to normal. He adds, “It would probably be better not to know.” What he means is, “Don’t go digging somebody up because they might just want to get in on the will.” My dad is very practical so even though he doesn’t say this, I see it in his eyes.

My mom is still at the end of the table and by her next comment, it’s obvious to all of us that she can’t stop trying to figure out the truck blowing up thing. “Could it have been a mistake or something? Maybe they meant to blow up somebody else.”

My mom, Lori and I all start clearing the dishes. After mom leaves for the kitchen, Lori winks at me and whispers, “Bless her heart.” We follow mom with more dishes and giggle to each other.

I have to say those three words comprise one of the greatest things about being from the South. My friend Sarah brought it to my attention just before I went home for that visit. In the context that Lori and I used it, it means, “Oh she’s so sweet, she just doesn’t get it.” But it can be used in other ways.

I’ll just give you an example of how to use it in another situation. Let’s just say I’m having a conversation with Tanner (that’s a made up name, by the way) and we’re talking about, say the traffic on I-25 (this is a completely hypothetical conversation). Let’s say Tanner is from California (again, I’m just making this up as I go along) and says, “You’re supposed to pass semi trucks on the right because they think they own the road.”

So I say to Tanner, “Well isn’t that a little dangerous, Tanner? What if you get in his blind spot and he runs you off the road? Wouldn’t that be your fault then for passing him on the right?”

Tanner responds, “I’ll just sue his ass then.”

To this I would nod, maybe say, “Oh I see,” followed by “Bless your heart.”

“Bless your heart” in this case means, “You’re a dumbass.”

I would venture to guess that these three words are the most important in a Southerner’s vocabulary. As you can see, it works in second or third person, and of course plural. It’s built-in tactful way to say, “I’m sorry you’re so stupid.”

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