The following paragraphs represent a weak example of development and three revised paragraphs. These are also informative as overheads or useful for small group work.
Weak Example: It was the worst movie I've seen in a long time. It was really boring. The characters were undeveloped and the plot was one
cliche after another. I should have just stayed home. I'm sorry I
wasted six dollars on such a stupid film.
Strong Example This movie is to cinema what Boone's Farm is to wine. It was about as action-packed as a tortoise clipping his toenails. The characters were more like caricatures and a four-year-old could have predicted the ending. Next time I'll give my six bucks to
Strong Example: I was disappointed by the movie. The soundtrack was tinny and
flat, and when there was supposed to be silence you could hear
popping sounds and white noise instead. There were little starts
and skips in the film where the cuts had been badly pasted
together. The picture itself was grainy and the colors were
faded, as though you were seeing them through gray-tinted lenses.
It didn't help that the springs had gone in my theater seat and
one of them was poking into my leg the whole time.
Strong Example: This movie is an insult to the intelligence of the audience.
We are supposed to accept one improbability after another: that
the hero, a private detective, is willing to take on the case out
of the goodness of his heart; that the police are willing to
freely share with him information on a case still under
investigation; that the villain just happens to be the man who
killed his parents when he was a boy. And of course the key
witness turns out to be a leggy, rich, and unattached blonde who
is wildly attracted to the detective.