Here is an example of an overly detailed and repetitive summary along with a brief discussion of how it can be corrected. A concise summary follows and then, an even more concise summary.
Original Source:
Stricter Regulation: "Delays in detection and recall of bad meat happen because the industry is too weakly regulated," Schlosser says. "By the time the USDA discovers tainted meat, it's already being distributed," he wrote in The Nation on September 16. Since then, the agency has announced that it will begin random tests at all meatpacking plants in the U.S., and will have the power to close facilities where contamination is found.
What hasn't changed? The USDA still lacks the power to order the recall of contaminated meat. "Every other defective product can be ordered off the market. Mandatory recall is important because under the current voluntary standard the company decides how much meat needs to be recalled and doesn't have to reveal where the meat has been shipped," Schlosser says. He advises that we write our congressional representatives in support of the SAFER Meat, Poultry, and Food Act and the Meat and Poultry Pathogen Reduction Act, which would give the agency power to enforce limits on contaminants, order recalls and impose fines. The meat industry says it cannot produce bacteria-free meat, so it's up to us to cook it until it's safely well done (160° F) to kill E. coli. But the tainted food should not be getting to us in the first place.
The industrial food system produces force-fed, disease-prone animals and people. An estimated 120 million Americans are overweight or obese. McDonald's announced in September, 2002 that it would switch to heart-healthier polyunsaturated vegetable oil, but that won't make the fries any less fattening. It's just a gloss on the system in which, through their massive purchasing and marketing power, giant companies control how our food is produced, from seed to feed to processing. As Wilhelm says of the big meat processors who buy from megafarms, "They say that we consumers want this pork and they need it to come from one place to be efficient. "It's time we consumers made it clear that industrial farms, fast foods and their costly "efficiencies" are not what we want.
--Excerpted from Mindy Pennybacker, "Why Fast Food Costs Too Much"
Overly Detailed and Repetitive Summary:
In her Green Guide article, "Why Fast Food Costs Too Much" Mindy Pennybacker exposes a weakness in the regulatory procedures with which the USDA monitors the meatpacking industry: it lacks the power to order a recall of contaminated meat. By the time it gets discovered, contaminated meat is already on the market. All the USDA has done lately is announce random testing of all meatpacking plants in the U.S. and threaten to close contaminated facilities when they are discovered.
Leaving safety up to the consumer, the meatpacking industry claims that producing meat uncontaminated by E. coli and other bacteria is impossible. They say that meat cooked to 160° kills the bacteria. Consumers who cook their meat safely to 160° are in no danger. But the question remains: Why is tainted food allowed to get to the market in the first place? The answer, supplied by the meat-packing industry, is that consumers demand the product and suppliers can only meet the demand in an efficient manner by buying from giant mega farms that control production without the USDA looking over their shoulder.
Pennybacker's argues for mandating stricter regulations on meatpackers because tainted meat is being distributed and, after it's too late, meat is voluntarily recalled. The whole operation is managed, with no USDA oversight, by the meatpackers. Meatpacking companies who recall contaminated meat decide how much to recall and are not required to report where the meat was shipped and how much is actually recalled. She urges that every concerned person write congress in support of the SAFER Meat, Poultry and Food Act and the Poultry Pathogen Reduction Act. Enacting these laws would empower the USDA to enforce limits, order recalls and impose fines.
The giant industrial food complex that controls food production, from seeding the fields to slaughtering the meat, and that wields massive purchasing and marketing power should not be in charge of voluntarily ordering recalls of tainted meat that has already made it to the marketplace.
In this summary, the writer includes unnecessary details and repeats information in manner that adds no new information to the reader's knowledge. The fact that tainted meat gets to the market, for instance is mentioned in each paragraph, though each time it is worded in a slightly different way.
The second paragraph presents an argument that is not central to the main point: USDA regulations need to be stricter and the agency needs to have greater enforcement power. The components of an argument should not be included in a summary unless summarizing the argument itself is the purpose.
Details such as what the USDA "has done lately" and how to "safely cook meat" should not be included in this summary either, as they do not inform the reader about the author's main point. Notice that the summary is nearly as long as the original passage.
By eliminating details and repetitious language, as in the following example, the summary will be far more concise while still providing an accurate picture of the author's main point.
Concise Summary:
In her Green Guide article, "Why Fast Food Costs Too Much" Mindy Pennybacker exposes a weakness in the regulatory procedures with which the USDA monitors the meatpacking industry: it lacks the power to order a recall of contaminated meat. By the time it gets discovered, contaminated meat is already on the market.
Pennybacker's argues for mandating stricter regulations on meatpackers, noting that recalling meat is currently a voluntary operation wherein the industry itself decides how much to recall while not being required to report from where it was recalled.
She urges that every concerned person write congress in support of the SAFER Meat, Poultry and Food Act and the Poultry Pathogen Reduction Act. Enacting these laws would empower the USDA to enforce limits, order recalls and impose fines.
The giant industrial food complex that controls food production, from seeding the fields to slaughtering meat, and that wields massive purchasing and marketing power should not be in charge of voluntarily ordering recalls of tainted meat that has already made it to the marketplace.
An Even More Concise Summary:
In her Green Guide article, "Why Fast Food Costs Too Much" Mindy Pennybacker exposes a weakness in the regulatory procedures with which the USDA monitors the meatpacking industry: it lacks the power to order a recall of contaminated meat. By the time it gets discovered, contaminated meat is already on the market. Pennybacker's argues for mandating stricter regulations on meatpackers, urging that every concerned person write congress in support of the SAFER Meat, Poultry and Food Act and the Poultry Pathogen Reduction Act. Enacting these laws would empower the USDA to enforce limits, order recalls and impose fines