In this set of examples, even a few changes in wording result in a more precise second version. Look at the original and revised paragraphs to see how revising with these guidelines in mind can make the text clearer and more informative:
Before:
The study area was on Mt. Cain and Maquilla Peak in British Columbia, Canada. The study area is about 12,000 ha of coastal montane forest. The area is both managed and unmanaged and ranges from 600-1650m. The most common trees present are mountain hemlock (Tsuga mertensiana), western hemlock (Tsuga heterophylla), yellow cedar (Chamaecyparis nootkatensis), and amabilis fir (Abies amabilis).
After:
The study took place on Mt. Cain and Maquilla Peak (50'1 3'N, 126'1 8'W), Vancouver Island, British Columbia. The study area encompassed 11,800 ha of coastal montane forest. The landscape consisted of managed and unmanaged stands of coastal montane forest, 600-1650 m in elevation. The dominant tree species
included mountain hemlock (Tsuga mertensiana), western hemlock (Tsuga heterophylla), yellow cedar (Chamaecyparis nootkatensis), and amabilis fir (Abies amabilis).
