Writing Summaries

Related Resources
Print-Friendly Page
Authors & Contributors

Back to Use of Quotes

Mari for President

Mari Gades for ASCSU President.

Mari, unlike the other candidates, knows what she wants. She wants to pick her nose.

A 22-month-old ardent individual, Mari began picking her nose while sitting inside a local Subway restaurant with her mother recently.

Her mother advised her that it may be best to reconsider and remove her fingers from inside her schnoz. But Mari, who experts say is very verbal for her age, adamantly and eloquently defended her rights.

MOMMY! I WANT TO PICK MY NOSE!

Mari, no.

MOMMY! I WANT TO PICK MY NOSE!

Her words quickly inspired the other customers in the restaurant who immediately began chanting:

We have fingers, we can vote, we want to pick our nose!

Mommy gave in at this point, which just goes to show that if you know what you want out of life and you work hard enough for it, you can accomplish anything.

She won't forget about you after being elected. As your president, Mari Gades will continue the dialogue with Colorado State students that began in the Subway restaurant. Perhaps the language will be disjointed baby talk, perhaps it will be interrupted by a game of peek-a-boo, but when President Mari Gades speaks to students, it will be sincere.

I wish I could say the same for the other candidates. They talk about better parking, a better library and lower tuition. They use big words and complicated charts. But what are they really saying?

When you break it down, they're not saying much of anything. It's just politics as usual. They're full of empty promises. If those other candidates are elected, you can bet their empty promises won't do anything for you. Time will pass, theyll serve out their term, they'll put ASCSU President on their resume and your life won't be any better than it is right now.

But you have a chance this election year to make a difference.

Mari Gades has clearly defined goals: ASCSU-guaranteed freedom for every Colorado State student to pick their noses. It's a sticky political issue that others, all too often avoid. However, as an environmentally conscious leader, Mari Gades understands that a clean nose is a good thing. She's taken the slogan think globally, act locally to a whole new level -- nose level. After all, how realistic is it to try to solve campus-wide problems if you can't manage to keep your nose clean?

Mari Gades has already overcome many difficult obstacles. Consider, for example, the language barrier. This is a little girl, who regardless of her verbal prowess, has yet to use a subjunctive tense. Her limited capacity for language is temporary. However, the zeal and emotion that sparked a dinner-time crowd at a Subway restaurant to stand up for their nose-picking rights, is transcendent.

And really, it's about more than nose picking. Isn't nose picking merely a metaphor for self-determinance and individual sovereignty? The freedom to act upon one's own environment without fear of backlash from a oppressive government?

She's not even toilet trained, yet Mari Gades stood up to an oppressor five times her height when she wanted to exercise one of the most basic rights of humanity: she wanted to pick her nose.

When casting your vote this year, keep in mind what the decision is all about. It's a decision between the same old resume-building college bureaucrat wanna-bes and Mari Gades, an honest, hard working nose-picker. God bless America, with liberty and nose-picking for all.